Lessons and Wisdom Shared: 1800 Miles from Miami Beach to Minneapolis with My Dad

Each spring when he’s ready to return north, I drive with my Dad from Miami Beach to Minneapolis. It’s a trip I’ve taken with him eight or nine times, I think, and a trip I cherish each year.

That said, I wish it were a trip he could still take with my Mom.

My Mom battled breast cancer for 13 years and was only given six months to live when she was diagnosed in 1995. She not only proved her doctors wrong by fighting like hell, but she also lived a very good life during the years she endured chemo, radiation, surgeries, and more.

That was her mission: to live as well as she could given the circumstances. And she did.

In 2002, my parents decided it was time to buy a place in Florida. Being from Minneapolis, they needed a place to retreat from the harsh winters, even though my Dad was still working.

My Mom wanted to be someplace vibrant and full of life as opposed to a retirement community. They ended up purchasing a condo in South Beach, and they spent a lot of time together there.

My family spent some time there, too. It was just as my Mom wanted: a place for her kids and grandchildren to gather and make memories.

Shortly after our second child was born in 2007, my Mom and Dad sold the original unit they purchased and bought a slightly bigger one down the hall. In June of that year, they spent two weeks closing on the unit and moving their stuff. They planned to go back in the fall to decorate and make it theirs.

But my Mom never went back. That fall, her health took a turn for the worse, and she died in January of 2008.

My Dad, on the other hand, has returned every winter since then.

He drives down with a friend every January and stays till about early April. Then, he drives back to Minneapolis.

For the first few years after my Mom’s death, different friends would help my Dad drive north in the spring, but one year no one was available. I offered to help. Since then, I’ve made the drive with him each year except for maybe one.

We make the trip in three to three-and-a-half days, depending on the weather. It’s at a time of year when winter and spring collide, so we’ve experienced both snow and severe thunderstorms while on the road. Sometimes, the weather makes me anxious.

I also tend to suffer a bit of anxiety right before I make the trip, which we embark on after my family has spent a week in South Beach over spring break. My husband and kids fly home, and I stay behind to help pack up the place and get ready for the drive.

As a result, I end up being gone from home for a total of about 12 days, most of which are workdays. Because I’m a freelancer, I can take my work anywhere. Still, balancing my work with beach and family time can cause some stress for me.

This year felt different despite dealing with a bit of that anxiety.

I realized I didn’t know how many more of these drives I’ll take with my Dad, so I tried to embrace every minute.

And I did.

I also embraced several lessons I learned from his example, as I do every year. Among them:

1. Don’t settle if you don’t have to

After about 10 hours in the car on the first day on the road, we were ready to be done with driving for the day. We pulled into a hotel in Dothan, AL, located in the southern part of the state, around 6:00 pm and were told there were no hotel rooms available in the city. The next towns over were sold out, too; something about a golf tournament in town. We were told our best bet was Montgomery, another 100 miles north. So we drove some more.

Hotels in Montgomery were booked, too. It seemed every room in the state was booked. But rather than focus on the fact that Alabama has a severe shortage of hotel rooms, we focused on what we could do: drive even more.

We grabbed a quick bite in Montgomery, got in the car and continued north toward Birmingham.

Turns out many of the hotels in Birmingham were sold out as well, so we kept going. It was not ideal, but truly was all we could do. My Dad asked if I’ve ever slept at a truck stop because that could be an option, but I just ignored that question. I was not going to settle by sleeping in the car, at a truck stop. I knew we would eventually find something, and I’m happy to say I was right. We finally found a hotel with vacancies about four hours north of Dothan.

I was happy when I crawled into bed that night and grateful that we stuck it out.

2. It’s OK to declare you don’t like something about a tradition

As is tradition, we eat lunch at a Cracker Barrel on the second full day of our drive. I’m not sure why or how that tradition started, but it is one that stuck. During this year’s trip, we pulled into the Cracker Barrel in Marion, IL, one that we have been to at least twice before.

I was hungry and tired. Plus, I was thirsty, but as we sat down and started to look at the menu I declared, “You know what, Dad? I don’t like Cracker Barrel.”

He laughed and asked if I wanted to go someplace else. I said no, even though I wasn’t sure I’d find something on the menu I wanted to eat. Sitting there with my Dad, knowing it’s where I sit on Day 2 every year was comforting, and I appreciated it. I knew eventually I’d find something to eat, and I did.

To be clear, I hadn’t been to a Cracker Barrel before I started making this drive with my Dad, and I only eat at one during this drive. And even though I don’t like the restaurant itself, I love the tradition.

3. Attitude is everything

My Dad is 87 years old. He was ten years older than my Mom, got married much later than many of his peers, and waited a few years before having children. He’s always been older than the dads of my friends, but you’d never be able to tell. He looks and acts about ten years younger than he is by keeping his mind sharp and staying active.

He also tries not to take everything so seriously.

In my mind, my Dad has always been laid back and pragmatic, but I’ve seen how his attitude shapes his character.

He doesn’t get worked up over things he can’t control, and when he’s faced with those circumstances, he remains level-headed and practical.

I believe this attitude has played a role in his overall physical and mental health, both of which are excellent.

I am grateful that he possesses this gift, and it’s one that I strive to emulate.

4. Enjoy every minute

I’ve already mentioned that I don’t know when I’ll make this drive with my Dad again. While I hope I have the option to get behind the wheel next spring and drive north with him, there are no guarantees.

What’s more, he might make the trip without me. He has mused a few times over the years how some day he’d like to take U.S. Highway 41, which starts in Miami and ends somewhere in Michigan. He would take it to Chicago before hitting the interstate for the last 400 miles toward Minneapolis.

This drive would take more than three days. He said he’d take a couple of weeks to do it. And since he’s (finally) retiring this spring after I don’t know how many years practicing law, he said he’ll be in no rush to get home. He thought maybe he’d finally do it next year.

He knows I’m not in a position to take that trip with him, nor would he ask me to do so.

So as we drove this year, I savored every minute of the trip. In the past, not having a hotel room one night, and be threatened by a mean winter storm might stress me out. Not this year, though. I rolled with the punches and chalked up every unplanned experience as an adventure.

My Dad’s attitude made it easy for me to do so.

As we were eating at Cracker Barrel on our second day on the road, an older gentleman approached us. He was smiling as he walked toward our table, his missing top front tooth noticeable.

“Is this your dad?” he asked. “ It is,” I replied, unsure of his intentions.

He looked at me, looked at my Dad, then back at me.

“I just wanted to stop by to let you know how happy I am seeing you two. It is wonderful that you two are spending time together.”

My heart warmed, and my eyes welled up with tears.

Indeed it is.