How Not To Be A Networking Pariah
I used to hate networking. The thought of it gave me chills down my spine. As a writer, I used to think I’d rather sit in front of my laptop than attend a networking event any day.
But that’s kind of lonely. And, not very good for building my business. So about five years ago, I joined a networking group. We met every week for 90 minutes and followed the same agenda each meeting.
I learned a lot about networking there. I also learned that I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I did.
A little over a year ago, I left that networking group and joined a different one. This group also meets weekly and follows an agenda, but the meetings are strikingly different.
In addition, I’ve attended several other networking-type events, such as lunches, happy hours, seminars, etc. What I discovered is that no matter the networking platform, there always is one or two networking pariahs in the room.
What do I mean by that?
A networking pariah is someone who is in it solely for themselves. They seem to think that networking involves talking nonstop about their business and collecting as many business cards as possible.
If they do those to things, they have, in their minds, succeeded. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Many people don’t even realize they are a networking pariah until it’s too late. So this article aims to identify acceptable networking behaviors and characteristics so that you don’t become a networking pariah yourself.
Before I go any further, a caveat: this post focuses mostly on how not to be a pariah before, during and after networking meetings. A follow-up post will focus on the same topic when you tap your existing network.
Without further ado, how not to be a networking pariah.
Show up on time
Every single networking event I’ve been to has a start time. Many include 15 minutes or so of open networking before the actual meeting (or program) begins. Those 15 minutes often are there to pad the time and allow for lateness.
If you can’t get there within those first 15 minutes, I get it. Life happens. But don’t make it a habit or people will start to notice. Here’s an example.
My current networking group starts at 8:30 and is an hour in length.
One morning about six months ago, in came someone around 9:00. He sat down, looked at his phone, stood up to get some coffee and then sat back down again.
Since this wasn’t a current member, many of us assumed that someone in the group knew him and invited him.
After the meeting, he gathered his things and left.
The next week, the same thing happened. And the week after.
Finally, after the third time, a few of us approached him to get his story. We asked him how he had heard of our group and gently let him know that our meetings start 30 minutes before he’d been arriving.
He said he knew that. He then said he was interested in joining our group.
Although he was nice enough, he had lost any credibility with the group. He knew what time the meeting started, yet he showed up 30 minutes late each week. He never tried to engage any of us and darted out of there before a member could talk to him.
If he really wanted to be considered for membership, he should have arrived on time — not halfway through the meeting — each time he came
Don’t go solely to promote
Networking is all about establishing relationships.
But not everyone understands that.
To some, a networking meeting is a place to go with a megaphone to talk about how great they are.
This happens time and again. I remember a woman came to our meeting once. She chatted a bit during the open networking portion, promoted her upcoming seminar during her 60-second commercial, passed around flyers about the seminar, and left immediately after the meeting ended.
It’s fair to say no one from the group attended her seminar.
What she should have done instead is this:
- Use the networking portion of the meeting to talk to as many members as she could about what THEY do.
- Give a general 60-second commercial about her business, what she does and how she specifically helps her clients.
- Listen to everyone else’s commercial and identify who in the room, if any, is a good prospect for her seminar.
- Follow up with any possible prospects with an email saying that she’d like to learn more about their business during a one-to-one coffee or meeting.
- During that meeting, mention the seminar if it makes sense.
Although she wanted to promote her event, that’s a one-time thing. A focus on establishing relationships always goes much further.
Don’t use the meeting to build your mailing list
I have a few pet peeves in my life, and one is when visitors come to a networking meeting, collect everyone’s business card, go back to the office after the meeting and add every person at that meeting to their email list.
Seriously, very few things are worse. Don’t do it.
Think about how you would feel if you suddenly got on someone’s email list that you didn’t know. Putting people on your list without their permission erodes any trust, especially if they don’t know who you are. Adding people willy-nilly, especially without their consent, will only hinder your marketing efforts, not help them.
Instead, collect everyone’s card, do some research on those who you think might be a good prospect or referral partner and reach out to those folks. Tell them it was great to see them at the meeting and you’d like to learn more about their business via a one-to-one meeting in person or on the phone.
Treat any referrals you get with care
People network for different reasons, but we can probably all agree that one big reason is to expand our business through referrals. When someone gives me a referral, it tells me that they trust me and the services I provide. I also understand that how I treat the referral is a reflection on the person who gave me that referral.
As a result, you can believe I am going to treat any referrals with the utmost care. I will get in touch with them immediately, and keep the person who made the introduction in the loop.
If I don’t, I can be sure that person will not be too likely to refer any additional business my way.
Here’s an example.
A few months ago, a contact of mine told me she wanted to network with folks who work at advertising agencies. It turns out I have a very good friend who used to work in that industry and is very well connected, so I made an email introduction between the two of them.
My contact replied to us and immediately threw up all over about her work, her abilities, her availability, etc. She even sent samples of her work.
The thing is, I told her my friend no longer worked at an agency. I was making the introduction thinking my friend could connect her with some folks who do work at an agency; it said so in the introduction email! But my contact decided to ignore that and dive right in with a sales pitch.
I was embarrassed for her. My friend politely replied that she was in no position to hire her. The correspondence between the two was over.
I apologized to my friend, and you can be sure I won’t refer anyone else to my contact for a long time.
Rather than launch into a sales pitch, my contact should have asked my friend if she had time for a quick phone call. Then, she could explain why she wanted to network with people at advertising agencies, and my friend could determine how to help her.
I admit I am not a networking guru, but I have learned a lot about the art of networking over the last five years. Most of it is common sense, and if you follow the Golen Rule in how you approach it, you should be OK and not become a networking pariah.
